Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize