did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
