Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
