Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
