Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
