Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize