you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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