Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
