something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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