Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
