cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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