Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
