I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize