If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
