you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
