My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
