After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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