Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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