that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
