who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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