how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize