Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
