watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize