So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
