I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
