marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
