Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
