Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
