So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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