check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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