my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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