im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
