dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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