You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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