sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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