wrigley field is MILF paradise
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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