So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
