i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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