Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
