You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
