He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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