DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
