ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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