from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
