Already got asked if we're dating
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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