With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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