I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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