why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
