I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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