4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
