I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
