Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
