She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
