you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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