There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
