is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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