You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
God, I missed his penis.
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