I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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