Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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