We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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