i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
