I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
