I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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