Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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