I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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