I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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