my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
