Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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