Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
