# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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