Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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