Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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