You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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