Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
