apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
